Goodnight Memories

I’m trying not to remember answering phones calls 

when I was sixteen,

you telling me how my 


was a treacherous thing

because you didn’t know 

how to not see me as 

anything other than a virginal


I’m trying to remember

laying in bed,

skin on skin,

my fingers tracing every

inch of you like I 

couldn’t believe a 


like you could ever see

a future with a doodle like me.

I’m trying not to remember

finding you in your own

vomit, picking your keys

from piss-soaked jeans,

calling you parents,

begging them to come save 


since I couldn’t manage to.

I’m trying to remember 

laughing as we drove those back

roads I know so well as the

only miles that didn’t have the


to break my heart with false 

promises and empty visions

of the future. 

I wish I could only remember

the good times.

The fleeting moments that we

both took for granted 

because we didn’t know

how limited they were.

How disappointing it is


we’ve expired.

Even more displeasing

how I can’t remember how

we ever let it come to



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